Mewtwo is Pissed
by RatherHomely
Summary: There has been a very mixed reaction to the addition of a female Mewtwo to the Pokemon Universe. And no one is more pissed than the original legend himself. Can old Mewtwo stop new Mewtwo from hogging his spotlight? Will he even be able to get past the reception desk? Tune in to this journey rated T for language to find out!


Latias heard the loud thump of two three-fingered hands slam against the desk in front of her. "I want to see the Pokémon in charge, now!" His deep, telepathic voice jabbed at her mind like a hot poker. She'd been expecting this and had hoped he wouldn't barge in during her shift, but fate was not something that was kind towards her as of late.

She lowered her magazine, only to be greeted by the face of an extremely temperamental Mewtwo. Latias let out a sigh and delivered the standard spiel in what was probably one of the most unconvincing pleasant tones possible; "Hello sir, welcome to the home office for LRCB, Legendary Registration and Control Bureau. My name is Latias and I will be the one providing you with our patented legendarily high quality assistance today. How can I be of service?"

"Don't you put me through this nonsense, Latias!" He slammed the receptionist desk again. Latias wondered if the pounding was really necessary. "You know perfectly well why I'm here! I don't have time for your games!"

Latias glanced over at the clock mounted on the wall. Her shift would end in half an hour. Maybe if she stalled long enough she could dump Mewtwo on Regice. He was probably going to be late again though, as always. Her gaze shifted slightly left to a colorful poster with a Pikachu dangling from a tree. 'Hang in there!' it read. Sweet Arceus, she'd have to try her hardest.

"I'm sorry sir," she continued in a saccharine- yet monotone- voice. "I'm afraid I don't have any clue what you're talking about. If you have problems that need resolving, I'd suggest calling our toll free customer assistance hotline at-"

Mewtwo's eyes began to blaze. "I DID call, and they gave me the same run-around as you! That was of course after I was put on hold for three hours!"

Latias let out another sigh. This was going to be a long thirty minutes. "Then how can I help you?"

"You already know, damn it!" Objects behind him starting floating threateningly in the air, old copies of Pokémon Geographic and Pokesports Illustrated whirling around at a mildly alarming rate. He narrowed his eyes and hissed, "There's a _second _Mewtwo."

"Oh goodness," Latias rolled her eyes. "The end of the world is upon us. Pray tell, sir, what problem is there that we can assist with? As you know, whenever a Pokémon applies for the status of legendary they must be a member of a unique, rare species as well as meet a minimum base stat requirement. The new Mewtwo meets both of these requirements."

Latias, of course, passed the test with flying colors. She still remembered a few generations back when she was a young legendary, fresh out of the design room. She'd been so naive at the time… Little did many Pokémon and people know that there was a very formal process to becoming a legendary. Besides having a minimum base stat total of 600 as well as being a member of an exclusive Pokémon species, Pokémon had to register with the LRCB. They would then divvy up legendary privileges such as version mascot, private ominous empty room for you to wait in, high capture rates, movie appearances, anime cameos, and more. Some of the lucky ones (herself included) even received signature moves, items, and even were provided a license allowing free roaming in restricted airspace.

"It's not right!" The psychic cat stomped a foot against the ground. "I forbid that new Mewtwo from being recognized as an official legendary Pokémon! And I also forbid her from being recognized as a member of my species! It undermines the whole point of the uniqueness of my existence!"

"I'm sorry, but you don't have the power to forbid anything for anyone in this matter."

Latias could feel specks of saliva hit her face as Mewtwo roared with rage. "There can only be one Mewtwo! I deserve respect, especially from some random third generation legend like you! I AM the original legend!"

"Hey!" Mewtwo and Latias turned towards the Articuno that was sitting in one of the waiting room chairs, its Kindle Fire held in one wing. "Screw you, asshole!"

Mewtwo, much to Latias' annoyance, refused to lose momentum as he continued ranting. "I'm the classic legendary! Did you see my first movie?! I had a movie you know!"

"We've all had movies, sir."

"Yes, but I'm the only one with a movie people liked! What were you in, some crap about rangers?!"

Latias winced. That was highly uncalled for. "That's a different movie you're thinking of. Sir, if you don't have a legit complaint or an appointment, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." But Latias knew it wasn't going to be anywhere near that easy.

Mewtwo massaged the bridge of his nose before recomposing himself. He'd seemed to calm down a bit, much to Latias' relief. "Alright, look… I'm sorry if I'm being a bit testy, I'm sure you can understand that I'm just very… upset about the whole matter. I'm a legendary Pokémon. Do you know what that means? I'm supposed to be rare. Unique. There is no other besides me. There can BE no other besides me. Understood?"

"Aren't you a clone?"

Mewtwo shot Latias an intense glare. "That doesn't count."

"Why not?" Latias shot back. "Between you and me, I've heard that some legendaries have been saying that you shouldn't be a legendary at all. You're just a copy of Mew. The only reason you became a legendary Pokémon was because there was barely anyone working in the LRCB back in the first generation and you managed to slip through the cracks. And don't even get me started on those rumors flying around about dittos and failed cloning..."

"That isn't proven!"

Latias smirked. "As far as I can tell, there's absolutely no reason why someone shouldn't be able to make a copy of you whenever they wanted to. Just get a little DNA, an ominous laboratory, and 'pop'! Out comes another Pokémon who wants to murder every living being on the planet."

"Enough!" Mewtwo slammed another fist against the desk. Latias couldn't help but wonder if Mewtwo knew that didn't intimidate her at all. "This new Mewtwo could ruin the entire integrity of what it means to be legendary! If you let that copy come in here and sign up as a legendary Pokémon the word 'legendary' loses all meaning! When people look at me I want them to think, 'Wow, I just saw the most powerful psychic Pokémon in existence! He's the only one in the universe and I saw him!' Now they'll just say, 'Oh, look, it's another Mewtwo. I see those things all over the place! Whoops, just stepped on one now!'"

Latias raised an eyebrow. "You're saying that's all going to happen once this one, single Mewtwo is registered by the LRCB?"

"Precisely!"

"Oh boy…" Latias had had this argument plenty of times before. She'd been in Mewtwo's shoes at one point as well, so she couldn't totally blame him for giving her a hard time. "Look, I know what you're going through. It's a condition we at the LRCB refer to as 'multiples shock'. If you want, I can provide you with an informational pamphlet to help you cope with-"

Mewtwo grabbed the pamphlet she held out to him and took an enraged bite out of it, then tore the rest of it to shreds. "I don't need your help or your pamphlets!" He spat out a wad of paper. "Just let me talk to someone who actually knows what I'm talking about!"

Latias had had enough. She had to skip lunch today for a doctor's appointment, she was starving, this job didn't pay nearly enough, and she'd be damned if she let this self-entitled Pokémon talk to her like that. She leaned across the desk, looking Mewtwo straight in the eye. "Alright, punk, you think you're so special?! Let me tell you, you're not the only one to learn he's not the only one of his kind around! You know Darkrai?! You think he came crying to Arceus when he learned that not only was there another 'Ultimate Master of Nightmares' in existence, but it'd been caught by some random trainer could whoop Ash's ass?!"

"Well I-"

Latias grabbed Mewtwo's shoulders and started shaking him. And sweet Arceus, did it feel good to unleash her rage on this pompous asshole. "I LEARNED THERE WAS ANOTHER ME, AND THAT SHE WAS CAPTURED BY A NURSE JOY! DO YOU KNOW HOW PATHETIC I FELT?! WHAT POKÉMON GETS CAPTURED BY A NURSE JOY!?"

"Look," Mewtwo managed to wrench himself from her grasp. "I realize that other Pokémon have suddenly had other members of their species created out of thin air, and I think it's ridiculous that it happens to any legendary Pokémon, not just me. The point of being a legendary Pokémon is to be a legendary, one of a kind creature, not just to be something unusual that a person spots every now and then. And that's precisely why I'm here, to put a stop to it. I swear on my life that this other 'Mewtwo' will not become an official legendary Pokémon! Now let me see Arceus!"

Latias' mouth twisted into a sinister grin. "Oh, Arceus is out today. Our vice-president would absolutely love to speak to you, however…"

Mewtwo let out a groan. "You don't mean…?"

Latias carefully pressed a button that was far too small on her desk before speaking into the intercom. "Excuse me, sir? There's someone here to see you."

"Excellent," a malicious voice replied, cackling madly.

"Wait, I can come back later!" Mewtwo pleaded. "I can-" But before he could finish he was engulfed in a shadowy ball of psychic energy and disappeared.

Latias let out a sigh of relief before calling out, "Next!" Articuno marched up to the receptionist desk. "How can I help you, sir?"

"Yeah, I'd like to file a complaint with the Exclusive Move department."

"Oh? What seems to be the problem?"

"There was a perfect opportunity to give me the move Freeze dry as a signature move! But no, that stupid dinosaur, a snowflake and an ice cream cone got the move too! What the hell?!"

"Well, sir, not every Pokémon gets a signature move..."

"Bullshit, all the legendaries past the 1st generation got a cool, signature move! REGULAR 1st generation Pokémon got a signature move! Arceus-damn MOLTRES got a signature move, and he always rubs it in my face!

"Technically, sir, that move isn't exclusive anymore-"

"Hell, the attack freeze dry was on my original card from the TCG! That was thirteen years ago! I INVENTED that move! I demand EXCLUSIVE rights!"

Latias looked back at the clock. Twenty four minutes to go.

* * *

When his vision swam back into focus Mewtwo found himself in a very posh office. Paintings of the creation of the universe lined the walls, a large fireplace burned behind him, and a big mahogany desk sat in front of him. The chair behind the desk was enormous, large enough to support a god. It was currently turned away from him, and a menacing voice emanated from whomever was sitting in it. "Foolish mortal, what problem could you possibly have that requires _my_ attention? Answer, lest ye be punished with fire and brimstone!"

Mewtwo sighed. He should've tried calling customer service again. "You're not fooling anyone, you know."

The gigantic chair spun around, only to reveal a small, pinkish, cat-like creature resting in the center. He gave Mewtwo a huge smile. "That's okay; I can't give you a big hug from behind there anyway!"

"A big-?"

Before Mewtwo could react, the little bundle of excitement known as Mew leapt on him, giving him a squeeze that practically crushed Mewtwo's ribcage. "How ya doin', bruddah?!" He let go of Mewtwo who immediately started gasping for air. "Wazzup?! What can the almighty master of all things legendary do for you today?!"

"Well-"

"Shhh!" Mew held a single arm-paw-thing up to Mewtwo's mouth, silencing him. "Lemme guess… I AM psychic after all!" Mew closed his eye, face scrunching up in concentration. "I see… I see… A Mewtwo… But not just ANY Mewtwo!" Mew did a loop in the air dramatically. "Another Mewtwo! And you…" He opened his eyes and gave Mewtwo a big grin. "Are J-E-A-L-O-U-S-Y, jealous!"

"What?!" Mewtwo recoiled as though struck by an X-Scissors. "I'm not jealous!"

"Oh, I hit a tender spot right there!" Mew giggled. "I think you're jealous cause this new lady is stealing your spotlight! She be livin' with yo legendz credz!"

"... What?"

"I mean," Mew floated over and leaned on Mewtwo's shoulder. "You're upset because you were THE Mewtwo, now you're A Mewtwo. And trust me, bruddah, I know them feels! There was, like, another Mew made for this one movie, and he got this sweet tree to live in! Why don't I get a sweet tree?!"

"Hm," Mewtwo grumbled, "Then you know why I wish so badly to make sure she isn't allowed to register as an official legendary. It makes me feel less… Unique. Special. You know what I mean…"

"I know, it's crazy! I mean, how can there be two Pokémon who were the original Pokémon?! That other Mew is just whack!"

Mewtwo's eyes lit up with hope. "So… You'll help me? You'll make sure this new 'Mewtwo' won't get in?"

Mew let out a giggle. "Silly bro, of COURSE I'm going to let her join!"

"What?!" Mewtwo growled as the air around him startled to ripple with powerful psychic forces. "I thought you 'know them feels'!"

Mew shrugged. "Just because you may not like it doesn't mean we'll reject her. You're well aware that you're not the only one to have additional members of his or her species added to the Pokémon universe. I know you're the original awesome legendary, and you're my bro, but Arceus doesn't make exceptions, and neither do the higher-ups at Game Freak." Mewtwo gave a threatening growl causing Mew to float back a bit. "It doesn't mean you're any less special! There's still only, like, two of you! That's still rare, right?"

Mewtwo scoffed at him. "That's one two many. The whole point of my design is that I'm a clone of a Pokémon, and therefore completely unique!"

"Weren't you always complaining about being alone? That's the whole reason you were bitching in both movies."

"That was just the movie, damn it! You know how those anime producers are and how they shove friendship messages into every second of film! I'm a beloved icon, more than, Arceus, or you, or even that blasted Pikachu! And some random female that looks like me has no right to steal away my hard earned glory!"

"But, y'know, now that there's a female..." Mew gave Mewtwo a big wink. "You know…"

Mewtwo tapped his foot impatiently. "Know what?"

"You KNOW…" Mew followed up with a sly smile. "You can take a roll in the hay?"

The psychic cat raised an eyebrow. "I beg your pardon?"

"Get your mojo flowing? Put all her eggs in your basket? Do a-"

Mewtwo hastily motioned for him to stop, a fierce blush on his face. "Okay, okay, I get it… I don't know what that last one meant, but I get it… Goodness, you're foul." Mewtwo shook his head as though that would get rid of any image that crept inside. "I don't care about that. Look, I've been 'surfing' the web, and all my fans agree that there's no reason to create a new Mewtwo. I'm a being of nostalgia! People want to see ME, not some prissy, female Mewtwo who came out of nowhere-"

"Ha! Right there, you just admitted you're jealous! You want to be in that new movie instead of her!"

Mewtwo avoided making eye contact with the tiny legend. "I don't know what you're talking about…"

"You even hinted at it before! You just don't want to share the spotlight with her!"

"ALRIGHT!" Mew ducked as a shadow ball flew by him. "Fine, I admit it! I deserve the attention, not her! And I think every Pokémon fan agrees with me!"

"But think of the possibilities! The fanfic writers have a new character to play with! A possible love interest! Scratch that, a DEFINITE love interest!"

"I don't care!" Another shadow ball, another near miss.

"You couldn't even play the part in the movie anyway! The antagonist has to learn to be friends with human and you've already done that! Twice!"

"They can rewrite the script!" The shadow ball nicked Mew this time.

"The guy who voiced you isn't even alive anymore! That would be like making a sequel to the Dark Knight without Heath Ledger!"

"Well, um…" Mewtwo faltered. "Wait; is my original Japanese voice actor still alive?"

"Uh, yes, I think so."

Mewtwo roared, "Then that argument doesn't make sense! They'd just get a similar sounding voice-actor for the English dub!" This shadow ball finally connected, knocking Mew to the ground with a loud crash. Mewtwo towered over him, another shadow ball at the ready. "Well? Are you ready to refute this new 'Mewtwo's' application? Or at least call her Mewthree and call it a day?"

Mew spat out a tooth, then gave him a feeble grin. "I'd like to, but…" Mewtwo felt psychic energy form around him, then Mew teleported them both to another room. "She just registered." He pointed behind Mewtwo, who whirled around.

"There we go, Miss Mewtwo, you're all ready to go." Mewtwo gaped in horror as he watched another Mewtwo sitting across from Victini sign some documents. "Welcome to the legendary team!" The Victini took out a red folder and handed it to her. "In here is a copy of your health benefits along with insurance card. We have information for the next date of your script reading for the upcoming feature film, a license for residence in Kalos' Unknown Dungeon, and a variety of important papers containing info on your responsibilities, restrictions, and more as a legendary Pokémon. We hope to see you Saturday for the weekly legendary brunch."

She gave him a curt nod and a thank you before turning around. Her eyes widened when she saw the male Mewtwo standing there, but she quickly regained her composure. "Err… Hello. I, uh, wasn't aware you were going to be here."

Mewtwo could feel a burning rage building in his chest. They'd registered her! She was an official legendary! She was going to steal his fame! His popularity! He'd show them! He'll burn this place to the ground! He'll-

"See?" Mew spoke up. "You can get some sweet, sweet, psychic ass now! Booyah!"

Both Mewtwo's turned to him and said, "You're absolutely foul." They looked back at each other with a hint of surprise and mild amusement.

"Dawww…" Mew cooed. "You're like two Caterpies in a Metapod!"

There was truly little he could do now. What could he even do? Yell at his new rival? What crime was she guilty of? Being made? No…

As much as he hated it, perhaps it was best to 'take lemons and make lemonade', as the humans say. But the next words he'd have to choose carefully…

"So… Mewtwo," He rubbed his chin with two fingers. "Do you have an intense, yet rational and perfectly justified hatred for all human beings?"

She took a moment to reply, weighing her answer carefully. "... Yes, but there are some factions which are kind and worthy of my compassion, and don't deserve to be mercilessly destroyed. Humans have a potential to be a blight on this planet and be dangerous to Pokémon, but this applies to only pockets of the population."

"Great," Victini muttered under his breath, "The last thing we needed was two psychos flying around..."

Luckily for Victini Mewtwo hadn't heard that last comment. He was busy thinking about the other Mewtwo's response.

She was smart. Analytical. He liked that. Someone he could actually talk to that was on the same wavelength as him. Perhaps… Perhaps having another Mewtwo wouldn't be so bad after all. "I know a human settlement that keeps Pokémon locked in small cages and forces them to breed to obtain Pokemon with certain psychological traits. Care to join me in its utter annihilation?"

She blinked, as though unsure about what to think of the invitation.

After a moment's consideration, she smiled at him. "Nothing would make me happier."


End file.
